Aturan Allah

not long back,4 weeks ago,on 27th of September to be exact.
i had one episode of bright red pr bleed,during my morning visit to the toilet.

after morning lecture,i rushed to putra specialist,
was hoping for a hemorrhoid ,but proctoscope and dre showed non,
GI bleeding 101,if u got blood and you dont know where it is coming from=invasive investigation.
so i was admitted,swallow the bowel cleansing fleet regiment,nil by mouth for 12 hours.

on the morning of 28th sept,domicum infused and im out,le anesthesie generalis,colonoscopy done.convenient.im again awake at 11 am,weak-drowsy-severe headache.not convenient.

tried to stay awake.but no avail.doze off to 1pm.tried to prepare some milo.but the nurses stop me from doing so.they took me to Ct room.

contrast infused to my left iv line.CE Ct taken.

i know something is no right at this moment.

need to call mum and dad,but the mobile is with the nurses.
hence need to sign a paper to retrieve them.
they brought my case sheets along.
i know i shudnt peek on the case sheets.
but it is my own colon.what would you expect.

so i explain to the nurse,im a med.student,i need to have a look,the colonel surgeon might not know what he s doing.he might need some 2nd opinion from me.

i peeked.and there it is.3 pictures.1 with a remnant diverticulum.1 with multiple broad base sessile polyps like growth.<1 cm each.numerous.1 with eroded mucosal area in between the polyps.

im stunned.

then i opened the next page.ddx ileocaecal ca?.

the next word that came out is
“o ada cancer nurse”..

the nurse make some funny face and said “tu la dokter saya kata jangan”

the emotion at that time is some what volatile.i admit to my sins.im not happy about leaving my family.but if Allah said so,i am redha.i kept thinking this is a lot better than a sudden death on the road.with out any warning sign or time to taubat.

so i went down to the hospital grocery store alone.bought a conneto.and ice tea.i went up back to my single suit.sat there on the chair by the window..blues sets in..those terminally ill tears came out of no where.one nurse,i had a little chat with her the night before that.she said..”dokter..jgn la sedeh..tak kompem lagi tu dokter..”

then i called my oldest sis.and later min.and then i call my pengarang jantung.puan mainun bt. shahadan.my mama la tu.ya mmg la aku ni anak mak.haha…

and..to be continued..

quite sure there s a happy ending to this story.pray for it.insyaAllah.

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